To Home with Love…

26 10 2005

Right now I am sitting in front of my comp in Room No 132, GH3, XLRI School of Management. Multitude of thoughts running through my head. “Fight the fear, life is bigger than all the tiny failures……..…still”
There are things out there beyond the thought process. There is God; there is the multitude of angels, constantly being sent out to carry out his mysterious deeds. Then there is family.
The day is a Wednesday. Its placement season here. I have applied to almost all companies that have hit the campus. The whole day’s been scary. Shortlist after shortlist hitting the notice boards, none carrying my appellation. I expected to make it to a few, some of them really low on my pecking order (List of choices). The falls really shaken me…
I remember my last year in college, when I was placed in the first company that hit campus. Never did I realise the pain which the others who were yet to get placed went through. The pain of not getting into a company for a long time. The pain of facing rejections day after day. The doubts running through your head. The wild speculations. People all around talking of facing interviews and you not even being given the ticket to watch it. Joining a conversation to only realise later that you have nothing to contribute. Sitting alone in your room contemplating. Looking at people make the whole process seem like Childs play. Wondering what went wrong on ur side.

I have been going through something similar today. You smile on the outside, but inside it stings, stings sharp. Every word is thought over twice. Other people wary of hurting my ego, watching their words. Why the change overnight? Should I even have applied to these companies?
Then you get the call….. Home. “Why do u sound so worried?” ”Everything will turn out alright” “We’ll pray for you”….. There are times that one gets so full of himself that when he hits the trough…he finds himself all alone. Bless u dad for being when I most needed you…. Bless u mom for being that angel from god, bless u bro for cutting out the jungle in front of me….bless u Joe for making me feel responsible… and Varkeychaya…. Keep doing the Tango!